Labels: border, bus, canada, christmas, greyhound, jason, sault ste. marie
Labels: 17, birthday, canada, jason, melissa, note
Labels: alan, diane, halloween, independent, lewis, rockland, shane, yennick
Labels: canada, jason, lazy, sex, tires
I got back from Canada on Sunday, around 12 noon. I didn't cry this time - so I'm pretty proud of that. I managed to keep my composure in front of my Dad on the way back. This account of my 2 weeks in Canada will be a long one, and I might end up missing a few details. But I need to try. And I've been putting this off. It's just a pain in the ass to have to write for an hour about things that have already happened - but I know I need to for the sake of my bad memory. It'll be cool to look back on. Labels: fifth floor, hotel, jason, love, sault ste. marie, sex, van
Labels: graduation, jason, lightning storm, mom, tornado
Since I probably won't post in this again until after Halloween and my birthday, I'll make a quick life update and get on with the quiz results! Labels: animal farm, birthday, canada, catcher in the rye, halloween, jason, mark, newswriting, nolan, saw 4, wonder when you'll miss me
Labels: algonquin, college, creative writing, funeral, glen, jane austen, jason, jess alvaro, job, love
Labels: alan, canada, college, facebook, graduation, independence, jason, lewis, lonely, school
It was to Jason's friend Matt and Jason wrote it... a few years previous or something. It was all about Brad's sister, Melissa. The first and only thing I had a chance to read was, "Well, I first met her..." and thought it might have been about me. He was really upset that it was out of it's place and threw a bitch fit about people ruining his stuff. Then after I asked he told me it was about Melissa, and I could read it if I wanted to. I didn't want to.
He went on this cleaning rampage. Literally. Knocking junk onto the floor, preserving the good stuff, fuming while he did this. I was pissed off in my head, because it's my birthday, and I don't want to spend it cleaning with him in a shitty mood.
I can't remember exactly, but I think at some point he said something to me, or I just got fed up, and I left the house. I went on a walk by myself to return the movies we rented. When I came back, I don't remember anything until his Mom came home... somewhere between a few minutes to thirty minutes later. He started freaking out, yelling, and eventually sobbing and crying.
To be honest, it was a pathetic thing to see. His Mom hugged him and he was crying on her shoulder and all. I could just stand there awkwardly. After a few minutes of her telling him they would start organizing the downstairs and making photo albums to preserve the pictures (Jason lost a CD of pictures), she left. I shut the door to his room. I felt like shit.
It's like, hey, I'm right here, you can cry to me. Why are you crying to your Mom? It made me feel so useless. Like he only wants to show me to good and bad, but when it comes to helping him out, I can't do it. He has her do it. I was pissed about it. But it was my birthday, and I wanted to feel better. So we sat for a few minutes and whatnot - hugging or talking or whatever - then went out to make dinner. Hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, per my request. His Mom got me a small chocolate cake and some cookies. She also bought me a robe, and three pairs of socks, and a Christmas tree ornament, as birthday gifts.
We waited for his Dad to get home around... 10 to 12 pm, somewhere in there, before eating the cake. I had a cookie with Jason (maybe two) before that. It wasn't an awesome, amazing birthday, really.
I don't want to sound ungrateful, though. I just wanted more from Jason than what I got from him. He really... could have saved that bitch fit for another day. I know he was upset, but it just sort of ruined it for me. And no present from him, either, because he loaned Shane $50 and Mario wouldn't loan him anything when he called to take him up on his offer. It was a big disappointment. But I can't tell him that, really, it might break his heart or get him mad at me.
I know he tried so hard, especially after he was done crying, to make it better. I appreciate that a lot. I know he regrets how my birthday turned out, I could see it.
I'll write about being high for the first time in a few days.
I was going to be a black cat for Halloween. Jason's Mom bought me a little kitty set, but the only thing I ended up wearing were the cat ears, and I took those off early on. I think the most I wore them was for when she insisted we had a picture taken. Jason dressed as a hippy in his creepy, messy black wig and home-made tye-dye shirt that his mom and him made the night before. It was just splotches of very pale colors, but he quite liked it.
So his Mom dropped us off in Rockland. Shane was with us. He just sort of showed up at the house, but I guess he called, and Jason failed to tell me he would show up. So it sort of ruined my mood a little, because I hate unexpected guests.... But I tried not to let it bother me and stay open-minded. I had promised Jason the night would be dedicated to me being with him as he would act normally, hang out normally, and everything. I would be a witness and minor participant to get a taste of his Rockland life.
Because we went to Rockland twice, I can't remember if certain things we did were on Halloween or the other night we went. I know we were scheduled to meet with Lewis, who was at Independent (a sort of grocery store or smaller version of Wal-Mart) with Alan, who was working until 10 pm. We began to go, but then Shane decided to go to Yennick's house. He went in the opposite direction. Jason removed his wig and put it into his backpack.
We ran into Diane, this girl Jason made out with right after dumping Amy and before dating me. It put me into a worse mood, and I knew the night wouldn't go as great as it could be. I felt bad. I felt like I couldn't stand up to any of these girls, who all appeared so much prettier than me.
One thing after another, we found out Yennick wasn't allowed to have anyone over, so we had to walk back (after 20 minutes of walking in the other direction) to get Shane and tell him. I told Jason, Shane would already be there, there's no point. But bleh. We went. I hated Yennick's house, it made me uncomfortable.... It was too smokey, and smelled of pot. We found out it was because his landlord was there or whatever.
I really wanted to leave. They (Yennick, his girlfriend, Shane, and some fat guy named Mike) were all basically sitting around in the tiny living room of the odd apartment watching this stupid Pink Floyd video. It was so boring. I squeezed Jason's hand to signal to him I wanted to leave, as I always do when I wanted out of something. He squeezed me back. That meant wait a few minutes.
Eventually we headed to Independent to meet up with Lewis, and visit Alan. It all made me nervous. I think Shane went with us, but I honestly can't remember much. It was a shitty experience. Ah, no, it was Curtis Whitty who went with us. He was at Yennick's house. I don't know...
I suddenly want to stop writing about it. But I need to finish, so instead I'll try to leave out details.
We all hung outside of Alan's work. He went on his break. There was a nice set of tables inside and outside, on the other side of the indoor tables. So we sat outside. We ran into Evan, and that didn't make me happy at all, because he doesn't like me and I don't like him for telling Shane I hate him. I was having a bad night. Jason said no one would come over, yet he invited Evan, and left me alone with him. I told Jason not to before all that, yet he did. And Evan asked me what I thought of Shane, so I said I hated him. And then Shane thought I was a judgemental bitch. So I had Jason explain everything, and now Shane is okay with me, and we talked a little on the phone and all... he sung a song by The Doors... Orange County something.
But anyway. Evan drank. He had a backpack of alcohol. I think it was vodka.
Later, we returned to Yennick's house. And etc. I didn't like it at all. I managed to convince Jason after about an hour or something to go back to Alan at work. He pretended to be working while we visited him. We hung out for two hours. I enjoyed it much more than I did at Yennick's house.
Next time, I'll write about my birthday.
We loaded our junk into the van and left. After crossing the border, we went to Canadian Tire to get the tire replaced, instead of a temporary one, since that wouldn't get us home. Unfortunately, they had to measure her tires or something and order them. We would end up having to wait in that town for another couple of days.
So instead, Jason's Mom dished out a lot of cash to get winter tires put on the back of the van. This was at Wal-Mart, since Canadian Tire couldn't do a damn thing to help us. It was nearly $1000, I think about $450 each, around there. The man told us (he was really nice, and I kept telling them that's the best part when you have bad luck, is meeting nice people who will try to help you) that the van's breaks weren't great, either, and we should get them checked out once back home. But he said it would get us there, at least.
So we hung out in Wal-Mart, got McDonald's to eat, and even saw this adorable little Santa outfit for a little girl. It had a cute skirt and a jacket with a hood, and gloves. It was so adorable. We already decided we would buy our daughter that someday. We got Jason a hippie wig, too, for his Halloween costume. It was pretty scary looking.
Once on the road, Jason and I fell asleep after about an hour of talking. We slept a good four hours, on-and-off. I don't remember stopping at any restaurants for food. For most of the ride, Jason and I slept or talked.
Then we fooled around.
See, we waited until dark (probably before that also) and draped a blanket over us. Needless to say, I drove him crazy by teasing him so much. Not good, though. Later that night, he had blue-ball during sex. Damn him. Damn me, too.
Can you really be mad at us for being so horny, though? You have to understand, we're both teenagers, and have been separated for over a month. That's torture, especially since we're both... pretty sexual. It was hard to keep my hands off him.
The first few days in Canada, Jason stayed home from school (except one day) and we lazed around happily.
That is, until Halloween and my birthday.
A few days before I would go to Canada, Dad told me that Tammy had a planned Halloween party at the bar that she worked hard on. He wanted to go. The bad news is that the party starts at 8 pm on the night that he is supposed to drive me to Sault Ste. Marie to meet with Jason and his Mom.
Lucky me, I'm pretty cunning. After some convincing and hasty planning, I would be dropped off at the hotel room (for which Jason's Mom made reservations) and wait about 6 hours for Jason and his Mom to get to the hotel that night. I didn't want to have to wait until the next morning for Dad to drive me there and see them, then have to be on the road again with them for 10 hours.
Dad picked me up after I was done packing and all. I ended up with a lot of luggage for two weeks. One large suitcase-rolley-bag thing, a smaller one of those, a bathroom bag, my Nightmare Before Christmas "purse", a pillow, 2 jackets, 3 sweaters, and a cat mask I made in art for Jason. I was also bringing this drawing of a dragon I did on manilla paper. I was going to cut it out and make it into a window decoration but it looked too cool and I didn't want to ruin it. I based it on the dragon on the shirt Jason gave me to sleep in, along with his pajama pants and a pair of comfy white socks (which I unfortunately forgot in the dryer). Along with those two things were a card I made him for some occassion. It had a raccoon on it, and said to stay strong. I think it was cause he was missing me.
Before heading to Sault Ste. Marie, we visited Grandma and Grandpa, because they would be leaving for Florida sometime while I would be in Canada. They left the Thursday before I came home. Grandma gave me $20 for my birthday when Dad went to the clubhouse to get us some pop. I mentally decided to somehow slip it back to her, and tucked it into my CD case in the truck after our visit. I knew Grandma didn't want Dad to know she gave me the money, which is why she waited to do it, so I didn't tell him. Grandpa was sleeping, but woke up before we left, and so I gave him a hug. He stood up, which is something I haven't seen him do in a while, from his rocking chair. In my mary-jane type shoes, I was taller than him. They had me take off my shoes and I was still as tall as he was.
We left and stopped at a few little zoos along the way, in the Upper Penninsula. One was this deer farm, and we saw white deer. Dad had me take some pictures with my digital camera after we bought batteries in the little shop for it. I've yet to have them printed for Dad, as he wanted me to do with them. The other had a variety of animals after a Native American exhibit, such as an arctic fox, a porcupine, japanese deer, chickens and ducks that ran around you and weren't in a cage, and even two bobcats. They call looked rather sad, though. I liked the arctic fox best. It was so graceful.
We also saw a large rainbow. It was incredibly bright from all the on-off rain. A second one appeared above it, but not as bright. We caught a picture of it just in time before it began to fade.
So, we ended up at the hotel at 5 pm. It was so windy in the UP and Mackinac, though. We thought the bridge might be closed, but it wasn't. We still went slow. When I opened the truck door at the hotel, it nearly slammed back on me with the force of the wind, and my damn hair was flying everywhere. We checked in, and with my $150, I paid the hotel room that cost $86. Jason's Mom later paid me back in Canadian dollars.
Dad helped me with my luggage up to the room. I was scared because we were on the fifth floor and it was so windy. I think it was room 206 or something. I just remember you exit the elevator, which is in a little stone hallway, go into the actual nice carpetted hotel hallway, and turn right a few feet, to get to our room. Dad waited for me to call Jason and let him know I was in the room and all. Dad left me with another bag of jerky, really good stuff, apart from the bag I already had from two weeks earlier and brought to share with Jason. I also had a few mountain dew he gave me, a full belly from the Burger King we got once entering the UP, and some thin-crip Oreo snacks. I was pretty set. After checking the lock on the door and making sure I would be okay, Dad reluctantly left, telling me he would call the hotel once he got home safely.
Enduring my time in the room sucked. It wasn't bad until it got dark. I at least knew no one could sneak into my window - but the wind was scaring me. I thought the power might go out or something. I thought there might be a tornado. And being on the top floor did not help one bit. I didn't even get that good of a view out the window - I was facing the back of the hotel. I got to see the roof of the pool on the first floor and a dumpster to the left of the parking lot, along with a high way to the far right.
For the most part, I tried to concentrate on homework and watch TV. I watched Space Balls on Comedy Central, which was pretty funny. I also managed to catch Adult Swim, because it was Saturday, and it had all the good shows on. I watched Death Note and Blood+, both really awesome shows, and even Dragon Ball Z, where Cell absorbs the androids. Futurama, also. I took a shower, straightened my hair, put on some make-up. Made sure I looked pretty for Jason. I even put on some new lingerie I bought under my jeans and brown T-shirt. I was set with lube for sex, Mom being good and buying me some before I left.
At around... I'm not sure, sometime after 9 pm, I got a text from Jason saying, "flat tire". They were delayed an hour, which is a lot better than what I thought I would have to go through: an entire night by myself. It was nerve-wracking after that point, but they arrived at the hotel around 12 or 1. Jason texted me that they just crossed the golden arch bridge, right by the hotel I was staying in and the McDonalds where we met up for previous visits.
I hurried, mentally reminding myself to grab a card key, and threw on my jacket, shoes, and rushed out the door. I paused, not sure to take the elevator or stairs (because Dad told me to let them come to the room, instead of me meeting them downstairs, but I couldn't wait that long to see him). I braved the elevator, successfully avoiding my possible kidnappers, and hurried out the door. It was dark out, and very cold. I stopped outside a minute, unable to determine where they were parked.
But I found them, and I ran over, keeping my eyes on the ground and dragging out Jason's name with a little whine. He was just opening the front passenger seat to exit the van, when I came up. I waited for him to open it enough to hug me, and then I jumped on him. He stepped out of the van, actually, before I did.
I was ridiculously shy, as I knew I would be....
I couldn't even look at him, I was so shy. Sheesh. I was embarrassed and shakey.
But we managed. We sat in the lobby to talk while Jason's Mom went to sleep after the long drive. After less than 30 minutes, we couldn't stand the sexual frustration, and used an excuse to get the keys to the van. I couldn't grab the lube, however.
We went out to the van. It was cold - but we had a few thin blankets to use and our bodies. Well, Jason's warm body. Mine is always ice. We fooled around and laid down together for a bit before reluctantly pulling back on our clothes. The bottom part of my lingerie had sort of got caught on something and was all stringy, so I didn't bother putting those or the bra back on. Jason snuck the bottom part in his pocket back into the room so I could put it in my bag, but we had to tuck the bra between the seats and cover it with the blanket. Luckily, it was never noticed, and I took care of it once arriving at Jason's house.
I wanted to take a shower, but we couldn't together, and it would be too loud. My stomach hurt for some reason. I didn't know why. In the bathroom, I saw blood on my thighs. It was the last day of my period, afterall, although I hadn't been bleeding for a day. We figured it was from rough sex and no lube. It hurt bad, though. Like cramps, or being punched in the stomach. I made quick use of a tampon and we went and laid in bed, sneaking silent kisses without waking his Mom in the bed next to us. It was very romantic and just how I wanted it....
The storm last night was so scary, especially with the tornado warnings everywhere on TV. We were about ready to jump into the dinky basement in our laundry room, under a huge white cabinent. We would grab the cats and get down there with blankets. I stayed in the dining room the entire time, facing the laundry room, scared as crap until 30 minutes after the warning disappeared (at 9 pm) on the phone with Jason. During the lightning storm, I was in the middle of conditioning my hair in the shower. The lights were dimming on and off. Went out for a few seconds and came back on. I had to hurry and rinse and get out. Never got to blow dry my hair.
But yeah. The hail was the size of marbles. It sounded like someone was pounding on my windows with their fists.
I think it was heading towards Jason tonight, so I hope he's okay. I should be talking to him soon. He has Evan and Shane over tonight. I told him to hang out with people this weekend because they won't be seeing him much while I'm there.
This morning, 2-hour delay of school. When we went, they had us go to all classes for half an hour. Mark and I were late, because I took a shower at 9:40 (Mom set the alarm wrong so I managed to wake myself up, somehow) and was ready by 10:15, and the class started at 10:25. Oops. Didn't actually leave until class -was- starting, I think.
Anyway, seems that everyone in my county is A-OK! Just a lot of damage in the towns around us. And I heard there was a tornado that touched down in Presque Isle, also, around Mackinac City. And around Lansing. I hope everyone's okay. Just though I'd post my experience with the bad weather to add onto the "news" aspect of this, since it was all over the news last night. At least until I went to bed around 1:30 am. I was paranoid, so I waited until I didn't hear any thunder for 90 minutes before feeling safe enough to sleep. Even when I went to bed, I left the TV on, in case they sounded some kind of alarm to wake us up because we don't have a weather radio.
Graduation stuff was ordered. I got my two tassles and a senior sweater that is pink and dark pink, it's very cool and has thumb holes. I'll take pictures when I get all my stuff. I ordered a plaque for Dad. I hope he likes it.
When was the last time you dressed up for Halloween? What did you go as?
The last time I dressed up for Halloween was the year before last, and I think I went as a dead girl. But then Mark did my make-up weird and I looked more like Edward Scissorhands, so I said I was him instead. Everyone thought I looked cool, and some people yelled to me how awesome my costume was. Walked around with Laura and some other people, it was pretty fun.
What's the best thing you went as for Halloween when you were a kid?
A dinosaur!
When you were growing up, what was the weather like on Halloween night? Did you ever have to trick-or-treat in a heavy coat or through the snow?
People always have to trick-or-treat here in heavy clothing because it's always so cold and chilly out. There's never been any snow, I think, and if there was I didn't notice it.
Do you give out candy on Halloween? Why or why not?
I don't, because my house is too far out and no one trick-or-treats my house.
How old were you when you stopped trick-or-treating? Do you miss it?
I didn't go last year, and I really regret it. But now I'm going this year in Canada with Jason as a black cat. I'm going to go with some other people, too, and we're gonna take pictures. I'll never stop trick-or-treating, or at least dressing up. It's way too much fun!What Your Halloween Habits Say About You 
You are an outgoing person who's a bit of a showoff. It's likely that you dress up for Halloween every year.
Sneaky and devious, people should really watch out for you. You are usually underestimated and forgotten.
Your inner child is full of wonder and very sweet.
Your fears are irrational and varied. It's hard to predict what you may be afraid of on any given day.
You're prone to be quite emotional and over dramatic. Deep down, you enjoy being scared out of your mind... even if you don't admit it.
You are unique, expressive, and a trendsetter. Your ideal Halloween costume is over the top and one of a kind.You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To 
Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could.
Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most.
But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you?
It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low.
What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever
What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teethYour Halloween Costume Should Be 
Your Vampire Name Is... 
Your Unique Costume is a Cockroach 
Your Monster Profile 
Iron Darkness
You Feast On: Armadillos
You Lurk Around In: Corn Fields
You Especially Like to Torment: DentistsSnickers 
Nutty and gooey - you always satisfy.You Are Not Scary 
Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?Halloween Horoscope for Scorpio 
Halloween is your favorite holiday for scaring and shocking others.
You like to bring out your alternate persona on Halloween - and have the night of your life.
Costume suggestions: A freaky monster or prince / princess of darkness.
Signature Halloween candy: Candy cigarettes
Scary movie you should celebrate Halloween with: HellraiserYou Are 
An Angry Pumpkin Face
You would make a good smashed pumpkin.You Are Changing Leaves 
Well, Kevin... creepy Kevin I mean. He brought a razor to school... and he really liked waving that thing around during News Writing. So about two weeks after that, Laura was going to talk to G about it, and I went and backed her up just in case. Within the next hour Kevin was sent home, the razor was taken, and he was suspended for 10 days. On the Monday we had off before he would come back to school, the school board decided to expel him, and now he goes to night school.... That really sucks.
Dad's going to drive me to Sue Saint Marie to meet with Jason and his Mom on the night of October 27, that's a Saturday. I'm going to stay in Canada for two weeks. We're going to go out for Halloween, and hang together for my birthday the next day, and go see Saw 4 once it's out in theaters, and maybe Across the Universe, if that's still in theaters. I'm so excited, and I miss Jason so much.
Unfortunately, I told him I'd try weed when I'm there. I kind of don't want to, but I said I would, and they're all kind of expecting me to. I suppose if I finally do it, Jason will have respect for my opinion on weed and listen to me when I tell him to quit. I think that's the whole reason I agreed to do it in the first place....
Mark and I hung out last night together, too. He's been gone 3 days out of the 4 we had to go this week to school. So he picked me up after school, as usual, and we decided to get Mountain Dew, Pizza, and vampire movies (we ended up with 4, and half of them sucked). We watched Vampire Clan, and the Convent, which was really funny. We also watched The Covenant, about those four dudes, and that was by far a very uninteresting movie. That and some weird movie about vampire hunters in Mexico. That one had terrible acting.
We ended up staying up until about 3 am, and spent about 2 hours looking for a picture of this kid I apparently knew during my freshman year named Ethan Campbell. What we discovered is that he's 16 now, likes motorcycles, attends a school in a town over (the one my Mom went to) and did the 3200 meter relay for track in 2005 at that school. Our search for a picture came up empty, even looking in the old yearbooks. But we did find a pic of Brogan, and boy was she adorable in 2nd grade!
Speaking of Brogan, she hit her head during gym. What a clutz, eh?
And Nolan wants Mark and I to write a special news article. One from each of us, but we haven't even begun to work on it, and it's due Monday. Shit. Well, it's for the town newspaper, and this guy called her and asked for it. She chose us because we're the best writers, but Mark and I both agree it was kind of thrown at us and we haven't had enough time to get our shit together and get it done. Plus, stuff came up with him being sick and me being so god damn busy....
I read Catcher in the Rye, too. What a disappointment, but it certainly kept me interested. I'm reading Animal Farm by George Orwell, and Peeps by Scott Westerfield next. I read this cool book called Wonder When You'll Miss Me by Amanda Davis, about this girl running away to the circus, and boy was it a good book. I want to own a copy someday.
Anyway, enough of this. I have no one to talk to, Mom's on her way home, so I'm gonna be miserable very soon. I'd might as well get to the quizzes and stuff on Blogthings.com!
I was thinking about reincarnation and how I want to make Jason and I into some amazing love story everyone will remember for years to come and receive inspiration from. I saw a new movie coming out to Theatres on Flixster a few minutes ago called "Becoming Jane". It's about the writer, Jane Austen, and her romance with an Irish man that had inspired her to write all of her novels, like Pride and Prejudice. I thought before, "maybe we're reincarnations of Bonnie and Clyde, and we'll be the next famous outlaws". Looking at that movie, I thought, "maybe we're reincarnations of Jane and the Irish man, reuniting after death, since I'm a writer and all".
Maybe, instead of reincarnation, we'll become something entirely different, and one-hundred years from now, we'll be looked back on as incredibly romantic, as we do now with Jane Austen novels and other romances. Our own little story people can look back on and admire.
I have years to work that out, though.
I haven't updated the blog since September 1, huh? I guess I haven't found as much need for it anymore. I have Jason. I have Alan. I have Mark and Dad and Mom and so many others I can open up a little bit better to now.
I'm taking Creative Writing with Mr. Poff. We had to do daily writings every day, about joy and anger and whatnot. We wrote our first story sometime a week or two ago, and it had to have some kind of external conflict. I struggled, trying to mimick my writing after someone as remarkable and talented as Albert Camus, Peter Beagle, or the woman who wrote "A Certain Slant of Light", I can't recall her name now.
After days, I came up with a story that was very dis-satisfying. I ended up writing about Jess' death, Jess from my story, who I've held in my heart as a very dear, close friend since 2005, when he came to exist. Mr. Poff greatly enjoyed it, and he doesn't mind telling me so often. It's flattering, but now I'm worried I have to uphold my honor and... write something better than the last to continue to amaze my one fan.
Jason read my story before I handed it in. He said he got a chill from the part where Dan, a friend of Jess', went insane. He liked it, I hope. At least, he told me he did. I'll post the story at the end of this blog post, for references' sake.
Mr. Poff wanted us to write about childhood last week. We sat in a classroom of 3rd graders, Mark and Laura and I did (Heather May was supposed to, but she was absent from a car accident, she's fine), and I was nearly driven crazy when Terri's little sister approached me. I begged Laura to leave in a few minutes, but then I could tell the teacher was annoyed with Terri's sister showing off for us at her desk, and for her classmates. When we began to leave, little kids came up to me. One little girl had bumps around her eyes.
"Hi, my name is Claire," She told me, smiling. She was pale and had pale blonde hair also. A boy before that asked me if I was in the Drama club, and I told him no, I'm sorry. Just as I was trying to leave, all the kids started trying to speak to me. God, I hate that. It's because I wasn't scowling and was walking behind Laura and Mark, wasn't it?
I went to Glen's funeral yesterday, around 3 pm until 4 pm. He died quickly of cancer, in a little over a month, after an intense battle. He was making progress, but quickly plummeted into death. Dad's sister, Mary, was married to him for a few years and when he died. At the funeral, I saw Laura and told her I was there, too, saying hi and all before going back to my Dad and Tammy. I saw Mr. King, from 10th grade Algebra, and Mrs. Nolan, my current Newswriting teacher. I didn't try to greet them. When people were leaving, I saw Maelynn Yeland, as well.
According to Dad's calculations, over 700 people were in the church. Dad and Tammy and I were all stuck on metal chairs behind the pew, in the very back corner.
Glen was so perfect. He died at 55, his mother Iola dying before him. He was an aspiring teen, and inherited the family business: a grocery store in my Dad's town that Dad and I had always frequently visited together. Glen helped resotre the town's fire department and volunteered with them as well. He was on a bowling team, went to the Menanite church a lot, sang in the choir at the church. He donated money and food to many things. He was almost a perfect citizen. Very friendly, well-liked by every person. Never moved away from his hometown. Lived and died there.
I hope to God I don't end up the same.
During this funeral, unlike John's, there was religious hymns sung, sometimes by four men on stage, other times by people attending the funeral. One woman stood in front of me with no book, knowing all the words, singing passionately... and very loudly. Her voice stood out. The church boomed with the voices. They preached about God and how death is joyous to those who are religious, and we should envy those who die.
How come I can't feel the same?
Fears hold you back. Is it fear that makes me feel differently than the Christians in that church?
Jason got a job at Independent, I think it's a grocery store. He works in the meat department and worked his first day yesterday as I attended the funeral. They had him clean the meat grinder, and the room where they cut meat. It was covered in blood. He told me later that night it was a horrible job and he was already considering quitting. I told him to keep at it a bit longer, at least until he gets his pay check. His parents don't want him to quit.
...DELETED..........
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Running was a difficult task when the dirt was turned to mud from the storm that swiftly and silently crept up on the group of men. Within minutes, dark clouds had swirled overhead, blocking the full moon and brilliant stars from sight. The booming thunder rattled the men's bones. Thankfully, there seemed to be no sign of lightning.
This gave them an advantage over their opponents. They could hide easier and not have to worry about walking tediously through the woods.
However, a disadvantage came when the rain began to fall, hard. The sound of rain on their helmets echoed through their head. It was now very difficult to hear and see. Both an advantage and disadvantage.
The mission was simple. An army of about five-hundred men ambush a camp the enemy set up four days before. The camp only contained three-hundred or so men, making the possibilities of suffering casualities rather low, especially with the sneak attack from behind.
One man among the group stood out. He was tall, slim, and young, with deep hazel eyes that had seen men shot and killed several times before in hopes of leaving the battleground soon. He had a family waiting at home. A wife and young daughter, whose pictures he kept in the pocket of his shirt under his jacket, near his heart.
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"I can't believe you," She sounded very disappointed and angry at him. In a sudden outburst, she exclaimed, "Weren't you thinking about the baby at all when you did this?"
"I told you," He sighed, staring at the floor, unable to look her in the eyes. "I was drafted. There's no way I can escape from this."
After moments of silence, the young woman realized she couldn't win this fight, and she crossed her arms around her stomach that barely bulged outwards with new life growing inside. She gave her future husband a very disapproving look. He glanced up at her, his hazel eyes meeting with her green eyes. His insides squirmed at her gaze. He quickly looked back at a piece of lint on the carpet.
She sighed, walking up and stopping in front of him. "Please, Jess, be careful," She wrapped her arms around his neck now, burying her face into his collarbone, struggling to stay strong for him. "I don't want to lose you."
It was his turn to sigh, defeated, placing a comforting arm around her waist. "Don't worry, Serena, I'll be back in time to see her being born."
"And what makes you think it's going to be a girl?" Her voice was muffled from his shirt.
"Call it my 'Father Senses'," He said seriously, although she knew he was joking, trying to lighten the situation. "I know it's going to be a girl. Definitely. And she's going to have my eyes and your feet."
She giggled, trying to hide her laughter by pressing her face further into him. Silence settled over. She breathed in his scent before pulling back, but kept her arms around him.
"The baby will need a name once she's born," She commented, smiling, but her eyes telling another story. "Since you have 'Fatherly Senses', I want her father to be the one to name her."
"We had better call the mail man before I leave, then."
This joke made her eyes smile now. Just what he was aiming for. She moved away from him, over to a dresser drawer, sliding it open with a squeak. She came back with a picture in her hand, giving it to him.
"Good luck charm," She grinned that traditional Serena grin that he had fallen in love with when they were still in high school. "Keep it close, and don't lose it! That's my favorite picture."
He smiled, keeping his lips together, embarrassed of showing his teeth when he smiled.
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The night air chilled the brave men as they fought against nature's spite. The man with hazel eyes trudged on. His toes were numb, even with the three pairs of socks and thick boots he wore. Warfare was a difficult job when it was you who was doing the dirty work.
The men slowed to a careful creep now. They were close to the enemy camp. He readied his gun, removing the safety, as was the strategic plan they were briefed on before leaving. He kept his eyes open, trying not to blink as often as the pouring rain caused him to. Every second counted.
As if a cruel joke was being played on the men, gunshots rang out from behind. Soon enough, a rain of bullets was coming from all around them.
They were surrounded.
How the enemy had discovered them, no one could say.
All that mattered was that the likeliness of casualties on this mission had increased largely in a matter of seconds. He could be shot and killed as easily as the next man.
Every second counted. Death was nearby.
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"Hey, man," A teenager with dusty-blonde hair approached Jess. He had a mustache in black painted on his face, as well as a small beard on his chin. "Are you coming with us to lunch or are you just going to stand here and starve?"
"Sorry," He apologized, now walking with the blonde teen on one side, and a dark haired teen on the other. "What's with your face?"
"Let the girls have fun in art class," Cedric replied with a grin. "Dan, how's your sister doing? Haven't heard you mention her in a few days or more."
"Bad," The dark haired teen replied curtly, staring ahead. "The treatment stopped working, and she's losing weight. She's going to die soon."
Jess was not sure how to reply to this. The blonde haired teen, Cedric, tried to lighten the conversation.
"Jess, let's go visit Susan after school in the hospital with Dan," Cedric attempted to sound optimistic. "We can play some Scrabble with her. She's really smart for her age, Dan. I mean, fourteen years old, and winning a National Spelling Contest? That's amazing. Maybe she-"
"Will you shut up?" Dan snapped and stopped walking. The other two stopped walking as well, looking back at him. "I don't want to talk about Susan, okay?"
Cedric said nothing, staring at the floor. The three began walking again. They sat on a bench outside of their school's band room. Dan opened his soda. It fizzed. He took several large gulps before lowering the can and sighing loudly.
"That's cold," Dan commented, now turning to Jess. "How're you and Serena doing?"
"I think I want to marry her," He replied. "I've been thinking about it."
"Well, think about your decisions before you make them," He said, taking another sip of his drink. "You know, with those rumors of her at that party last weekend and all."
"...Yeah," Jess said quietly. "I know."
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He struggled to look all around him. He struggled to fire any bullets, being surrounded by his panicking comrades, who were all equally frustrated at their inability to fight back for fear of killing one of their own.
Knowing this meant life or death, he pointed his gun to the ground, and began running through his allies, making his way through the tight crowd, hoping not to get shot in the process.
After minutes of working and weaving, he was free of the crowd, the sounds of guns firing making his ears ring. He looked around. The army he was a part of had barely left the woods to see the camp below them when they were ambushed from the front and the back. The constant sound of gunfire led him to think they were on all sides.
He cocked his gun, ready to shoot anyone he saw and recognized as the enemy.
Every soldier was covered in mud and rain, including himself. The darkness made it hard to see any of what was going on. He was sure several of his friends had killed each other without realizing it.
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Nervously, Jess made his way to the front door of the old house. He knocked on the door several times. The tiny house looked so frail and old, he was afraid of knocking too hard in case if the door fell in. Soon, a man came to the door, looking as if his soul had ran away from his body.
"Dan, hey," He said to the man inside the house, nodding. "May I come inside?"
"Sure, I guess," Dan opened the door wider, hiding himself behind the door as Jess stepped inside. The door slammed behind him. The inside of the house was as old and frail looking as the outside.
"You didn't show up for graduation earlier," Jess started talking, still examining the house. "What's going on with you?"
"Living," He replied in monotone. "How are you and Serena doing?" He sounded as if he didn't care, but might as well ask.
"Expecting a baby in eight months," He turned to Dan. "Hopefully a girl."
Dan didn't say anything. He moved to the dark red couch and plopped onto it. He appeared as if he hadn't showered in days. His hair was a little longer than Jess remembered it, and greasy black. His eyes were dark and clouded. It looked as if an evil had crawled into his body.
"If it's a girl, I'm going to name her Annabelle," Jess continued, ignoring the way Dan stared motionless at the wall across from him, his lips slightly open. "It's classy and attractive, right? It goes great with Alvaro. Annabelle Alvaro. Perfect for my daughter."
Silence settled over them. Dan didn't seem interested in talking.
"Why weren't you at graduation?" Jess probed.
"Susan asked me to stay home, that's all. Keep her company. So I did," Dan replied simply. "She needs me, so I'm staying here for a few weeks."
His brow furrowed. "Dan, Susan died three months ago."
Dan smiled. Jess grew worried and frightened.
"She's not dead," Dan said.
"Dan," Jess sighed. "She is, I'm sorry. She's gone."
Suddenly, Dan jumped from the couch, standing very close to Jess. "She is not dead, Jess! You don't know what you're talking about! She's alive!"
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For a moment, he thought he was safe. He was going to make it.
A gunshot. A warm pain filled him. Soon, he realized, someone had shot him, nearly missing. It plunged into his side, shattering several ribs, somehow missing his lungs, heart, and other vital organs that would have him dead by now.
He fell over. The mud seeped into his clothing. He covered his wound with a gloved hand. Thankfully, no one fired another bullet at him. No one noticed him writhing in pain.
It was at this moment he realized he was going to die a very slow death, laying in the mud, crying.
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He sat on his cot, reading a book. His three friends entered the tent, all sitting on their cots as well.
"Mail's here," One said, looking through the envelopes and two packages. "Here's a two letters for me, a letter and a package for Steve, a letter for Yennick, and here's a package for Jess."
He placed his book face down onto the cot, so he wouldn't lose his place. The soldier tossed his package to Jess, another one of the men telling him to be careful, there could be fragile items. Jess didn't mind. He withdrew his standard knife from his right boot and cut the tape to open the box. He looked inside, drawing out a fat envelope and spotting several items tediously wrapped in tissues with tape around them.
He opened the envelope first, finding a letter and several pictures of his wife and his fourteen month old daughter, Annabelle. He read the letter to himself, his friends going through their mail loudly.
Once finished, he looked through the pictures sent to him. One was of his wife holding their daugher in her arms. Annabelle was waving to the camera. Serena was smiling.
Jess tucked this picture into his shirt pocket before pulling on his jacket and gearing up to leave for their next mission.
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He laid there for minutes, bleeding. He couldn't move.
'I'm going to die from blood loss, aren't I?' He wondered to himself, keeping his eyes closed as the rain continued to pour down, regardless of his pain. 'My... my Annabelle... is going to grow up... without me....'
Jess coughed. Speckles of blood came up. He turned his head and spit, looking back up. He relaxed. He concentrated on breathing the cool night air. With each passing minute, breathing felt harder and harder. The battle raged on without him.
In a strange twist of fate, Jess Alvaro was reborn.
I realized earlier, while looking at photos of Lewis on Facebook, that I'm wasting my time.
I mean, I wish I lived where Jason was - going out almost every night, having fun with friends, going to the mall and being so independent.
I don't get much independence. Maybe I'm just too afraid to have that much. And I don't have a driver's license, so that screws me out of a lot. Neither do any of my friends (except Mark), and I don't really think they'd be as much fun as Jason and his buddies would be.
Thinking back, I loved my time in Canada, especially during that 2-day party the weekend Jason's parents were gone in London on a business trip. It sucked because of all the weed and everything, but when I had Jason and others to hang out with, it was actually fun.
I liked going to the park with Alan. I liked laying on the trampoline, sandwiched between Jason and Lewis, just joking around and looking for shooting stars. That was fun. It was dark outside and cold - but it was so much fun.
And this year is being wasted here. I won't be able to go to Canada and have that much fun ever again.
After graduation, Alan's going away to college, he guarantees me that. And I don't think Jason will want me tagging along with him when he goes to hang out with them....
Meh. It sucks. It's pretty lonely here.
I hope I can meet some new people this school year. Hopefully party people. I'm not much into partying and all, but I like the after-effects of it. People chilling and enjoying being with other people. I like that.
I wish Jason were online. I wish I was there with Jason.
I miss Canada.
A picture I took with my camera phone of E.J. while we were walking around the school, after school. x3 I'm not entirely sure what he's doing here. But I like this picture.
E.J. at a school dance. On his left is Kyle and on his right is Andy. It looks like they were really having a blast. I took this with my camera phone, it was hanging up at his viewing.
Another picture of E.J. walking around with me after school. I don't remember why he threw up his hood, but this is one of my favorite pictures of him that I have.
This one is way old. It's of E.J. on Toga Day during Spirit Week! This might even be from Sophomore year, I don't even remember his hair being like that. Maybe even Freshman year. Taken with the camera phone at his viewing.
E.J. on the bench outside the high school office. He's probably doing his math homework or something from Mitchell. Taken with the camera phone at his viewing.
E.J. and Cody Rossen in the school library, I think, judging by the keyboard. Taken with camera phone at his viewing.
E.J. is the one in the red shirt. This is at a school dance. Taken with the camera phone at his viewing.
E.J. working on his math in class. Taken with camera phone at his viewing.
This is E.J. on the left, me in the middle, and Brogan on the right during lunch. We're sitting against our usual wall. Since E.J. died, we don't really hang out there any more. I wander the halls and Brogan goes into the cafeteria. E.J. is holding a drawing he was working on of Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura from the anime series Naruto.
